When Drabbles Attack!
by Kahva
Summary: A collection of crossover drabbles written in April and May of 2004. Written for the crossover drabble challenge on ErinRua's The Black Pearl Sails Fanfiction group.
1. Peas In A Pod

**_Disclaimer:_**_ I own nothing of Disney, Panzer, Verbinski's or Bruckheimer's. I do own my own insanity, last I checked. (Double-checks) Yep, made the last payment on my insanity last summer. Insanity is rather expensive on a state employee's pay, so please don't sue me! April, 2004._

**_Author's notes:_**_ On ErinRua's The Black Pearl Sails Fanfiction group on Yahoo, there are drabble challenges. This drabble is in response to the crossover drabble challenge. I did more than one drabble for the challenge, they will be uploaded as chapters. Btw, the typical drabble length of 100 words was tossed for this challenge, as was any requirement of logic. This first drabble is a crossover between POTC and Highlander (the TV series). Enjoy! :)_

PEAS IN A POD

BY 

KAHVA

"So... You mean to tell me that you can't die, mate?"

"That is correct, Captain."

Jack regarded the man he'd pulled aboard the Black Pearl suspiciously, not quite sure whether he should believe him, or toss him overboard. "So, if I shoot you, ye won't mind?" he asked, pulling out his pistol and aiming for the stranger's heart.

"Oh, I'll mind, but I won't die – if you promise not to take my head. Do we have an accord?"

Jack nodded, and prepared to shoot the other man, but stopped when the other started taking off his shirt. "What in blazes are you doing?"

The dark-haired man sighed as he removed his shirt. "Do you have any idea how many shirts I've had ruined by people shooting me? I'd like to have something to wear that's not full of holes once this is all over, Captain."

"You've done this before?"

"Been shot and come back, yes. Stripped for a pirate, no."

Jack grinned and put his pistol away. "Welcome aboard the Black Pearl, Duncan MacLeod. By the way... you don't turn into a skeleton in the moonlight, do you?"

"What?"

"Just checking."

"You are a strange man, Captain Sparrow."

"Peas in a pod, MacLeod. Peas in a pod."


	2. Final Analysis

**_Disclaimer:_**_ Same as the first one, I'm still broke, and I still don't anything other than my insanity. April, 2004._

**_Author's notes:_**_ Same challenge, different drabble. A crossover between POTC and Classic Star Trek. Beam me up, Scotty! :)_

FINAL ANALYSIS

BY

KAHVA

"The rift has put us somewhere on Earth in the 1720s, then?"

"Late 1720s, Captain. Specifically, we appear to be on a deserted island somewhere in the Caribbean." The Vulcan raised an eyebrow as their ship's doctor examined the man they had found sprawled on the sand. "Deserted, except for the doctor's patient, and the young woman further down the beach, who doesn't appear to have seen us yet."

"What do you think she's up to?"

"I believe she's trying to set the island on fire, Captain."

"I see... and the rift should open back up long before then?"

"By my calculations, the rift we encountered on the Andorian moon should reopen in exactly two minutes and seventeen seconds. So long as the human male or female do not notice us, there should be no harm done to the past."

"And no reason for Starfleet to reprimand me yet again."

"Precisely, Captain."

Exactly two minutes and seventeen seconds later, the time-space rift reopened, and the three visitors from the future made their way back to it, greatly relieved that they could honestly say they hadn't changed the past, or had been forced to become a part of it. "What did you do to the male, Doctor?" the Vulcan asked.

"Don't get your pointy ears in a stitch, Spock! All I did was give him a mild sedative to help him sleep through the night. It should take effect soon."

"Final analysis of the patient, Bones?" asked the Captain.

A slurred bellow of, "Really bad eggs, drink up me hearties, yo ho!" floated up to the three Starfleet officers as they prepared to enter the rift and return to their time. Dr. McCoy sighed, shook his head, and grimly pronounced his diagnosis.

"He's drunk, Jim."


	3. Fashion Sense

**_Disclaimer:_**_  Third verse, same as the first.  Hmmm…  I wonder if one can get equity on one's insanity, like one can get on their house…  Must ponder this.  May, 2004._

**Author's notes:**  Same challenge, another drabble, logic-free!  This is what happens when a TV MCO spends the night freezing in the meat locker that is her workspace, and she's been listening to Arcadia for the first time in a long while.  And is severely under caffeinated.  At this writing, I don't claim to have a brain at all.  Another overweight drabble...  I really need to send my muses to boot camp.  Crossover between POTC and Superman (think Dean Cain) here. :)

FASHION SENSE

BY

KAHVA

            "So...  You can fly."

            "Yes."

            "In the air?"

            "Isn't that where most creatures fly who can fly, Captain Sparrow?"

            "A very valid point, Mister...?"

            "Superman.  Just Superman."

            "Ah yes, I suppose you think you are a 'super man', what with the flying thing and all."

            "Look Captain, I do apologize for flying through your ship and nearly sinking it, but I really did not intend to go this far back in time when I was trying to stop Tempus – never mind.  Anyway, I think you'll find the repairs I did will last you quite a while, and that the careening I did will save your crew a lot of work."

            "Yes lad, I've been meaning to ask you how you fixed two holes big enough to row a longboat through in the hull of my ship, _and_ careen the Pearl afterwards in less than a couple of minutes."

            "I'm Superman."

            "Ah yes, the whole being confident in yourself thing.  Well, I suppose you have to be, after all."

            "What do you mean by that?"

            "Well mate...  This whole blue and red... _thing_ you're wearing.  I've seen wenches in Tortuga wearing more clothing than you are.  Who made that bloody thing for you, it's even more ridiculous than Will Turner's hat."

            "My _mother_ made this for me, Captain."

            "Well son...  Your mother certainly dresses you funny."

            "This coming from a man who wears nearly as much eye makeup as Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran!"

            "Who?"

            "Never mind...  I knew I should have made that left turn in Albuquerque and stopped in 1985.  Goodbye, Captain.  I hope I never see you again."

            "Cap'n?  Who was that nearly naked man?"

            "Someone whose mother must surely be an evil woman to dress her son like that, Mr. Gibbs.  Now, would you kindly cut me down from this blasted yardarm he tied me to before he left?  And somebody tell me who the bloody hell Nick Rhodes is, and where the port of Duran Duran can be found!  I need more kohl for me eyes, and it sounds like he's the bloke to buy it from."


	4. The Pirates of Hazzard Pond

**_Disclaimer:_**_ Fourth verse, same as the first. In addition to my insanity, I also currently own a half-full bottle of Mountain Dew. I'm going to start saying that Mountain Dew was what Gibbs had in that little bottle of his. I know that's how I'd survive having a crazy like a fox Captain Jack Sparrow as my captain. May, 2004._

**_Author's notes:_**_ Same challenge, __last __drabble. The Surgeon's General has warned that logic took one look at this drabble and ran screaming out the door; your brain may do the same. Based on past reported experiences, I caution you all now not to be eating or drinking anything while reading this drabble, and to make sure that if you are reading this at work, that no one else is nearby. They might think you've gone starkers, otherwise. If you choose to ignore this warning, I am not responsible for whatever food or drink you may spit at your computer._

_A triple crossover this time. POTC, Lord of the Rings and The Dukes of Hazzard. With a crispy, crunchy topping of a fourth genre at the end. Inspired in part by a random Dukes mention on one of Biz's LiveJournal posts. :) ___

THE PIRATES OF

HAZZARD POND

BY 

KAHVA

"So… You're a pirate, and when you left…"

"Tortuga."

"Tortuga. When you left there, you somehow ended up in a place called…"

"Middle-Earth, is what they told me, mate."

"The name's Luke, Captain Sparrow. Luke Duke. My cousin over there is Bo Duke."

"Ahh, yes… He's having a hard time with that Gollum bloke, isn't he?"

Luke watched as his blond cousin vainly tried to pry the gangly creature called Gollum off his leg, suddenly very glad that their cousin Daisy was working at the Boar's Nest, and not with them on this fishing trip to Hazzard Pond. _Speaking of the pond,_ he thought to himself. "Captain Jack, just how did you manage to get a pirate ship smack dab in the middle of Hazzard Pond?"

"I think we can thank a rather disagreeable chap by the name of Gandalf for that, mate. He seemed nice enough when we appeared in a river near a place called Lothlorien, but then when we were just about to leave, he got upset with us for some reason and waved his staff at us. Seems he was of the opinion that I had absconded with some silver trinkets that the local folk were missing."

"Like that fancy necklace you're wearing, Captain?"

"I only _borrowed_ it, my friend, and it was entirely by accident that I boarded my Pearl while still wearing the necklace. Just wanted to see if I liked it enough to perhaps trade something… or other… for it. Be that as it may, I don't think he intended for Gollum to climb aboard the Pearl as we started on our… unscheduled voyage… to here, so I expect he'll do something… wizardly, to bring us all back to lovely Middle Earth."

"And then you can give back that necklace."

"Well…"

"And everything else you _borrowed_."

"Mate, you're starting to sound like a certain eunuch I know back in Port Royal," Jack sighed. "But if he can send us all home, I suppose it will be a fair bargain. I'm missing my ocean. And my rum."

"Luke?"

"Yeah, Bo?"

"I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is, I got that Gollum fella off my leg."

"And the bad news?"

_VROOOOOOM!!_

"Gollum's stealin' the General Lee."

"My pretty orange precioussssssssss!! Ahhhhhhh!!"

"Please tell me he didn't just jump the General into the pond."

"Alright Bo, I won't tell you. But he did."

"You two don't seem to be overly upset about this, if I may say so."

"Eh, we're used to folks trying to steal the General, Jack. Of course, most of them can drive better than your Gollum friend. This is just another normal day in Hazzard County."

"This is _normal_, Luke?"

"Oh sure, Jack! Now, you should've been here when them Klingon fellas stopped by last week and got mad about Boss Hogg trying to cheat them in game of five card stud. I think he's still got those Tribble things they left behind running around his office. Now _that_ was an interestin' day."

"Oh?"

"Yep. Was the first time we've had a bunch of good old boys come to the Boar's Nest and not flirt with our cousin Daisy. I wonder if they ever found that Captain Kirk fella they was lookin' for…"


End file.
